Back to the grind

My wonderful husband gave me a wonderful birthday gift. Three words..."Just Book It" For a little further translation, what he was referring to was a trip to Canada. By myself. No husband, no kids, no responsibilities. So a week later I was on a plane, on my way to visit my friends. I arrived Thursday night, around 8:30 and had a blissful 3 full days of doing nothing. Nothing but just hanging out with people I love who expected nothing of me, no laundry, no cooking, no cleaning. I don't think even I realized how desperate I was for some down time, and how close I was before I went to a literal nervous breakdown. Monday morning we left for the airport, and about 30 minutes into the drive I could feel the tension returning to my shoulders, whether it was nerves about flying, or stress from everything I knew I was going to need to get done when I got home. The flights were great, with the exception of the little tiny plane from Buffalo to Cleveland, the flight was good, the tin can I was flying in scared the crap out of me a bit :P. I was great all the way until the pilot came on as we were beginning to land in Kansas City, I looked out the window and started to sob. I couldn't help it and I couldn't stop. I missed my kids and I missed Brian, but I didn't want to be home. Maybe it's the long winter, maybe it's just the amount of things I have going on on a daily basis, but I didn't want to be home.

It opened my eyes.

We will finish 4H this year because we already started, but I won't let them join next year, and I will not agree to babysit next year.

Small steps, but I need to give something up. When I sob at the prospect of returning to my life, then the only solution is to change my life.

I am going to stop saying yes to everyone who wants help, I am not going to give so freely of myself, because at this point I think I've given so much away, I don't have enough left for my family or for myself.

I don't want my kids to go without the activities they like, but I don't want them to live with a mom who's so depressed with her life that the thought of coming home brings tears.

It's a new season, and I'm going to do my best to make it a new life!!